Articles 1, 2, and 3 : Giants will take over the world, Milkmen are desperately needed, Acceptance is a road less traveled.

Let's dive on into this smorgusboard of thoughts shall we?

Rant and or Grievance #1: Giants will take over the world. 

This is not meant to be a good idea.  Just a thought.  I go vintage shopping and although it is in my genetics to have a large head the smallness of the hats I try to wear at these vintage shops (normally the hats are around the time of the 40's) I find is inexcusable to my personal genetics. Hardly anyone else can wear these hats either.  So I find myself in thought and research to learn that the human race has taken an increase in size since the beginning of the 19th century.  Which leads me to giants.  Are we becoming giants?  Is there a catapult of the pituitary gland in the human race just waiting to spring?  And if so, what does that mean for the world?  A larger race of people will of course take up more space, and more food which means more land for crops and livestock, also more necessary resources which many we are not in a infinite supply of, which leads to small spaces of living and more space required for land.  And with resources being so scarce there will probably be a steep decline in the middle class leaving only the extreme upper class and extreme lower classes.  Possibly resulting in Midevil days of manors, nobles, serfs, peasants, etc.  And this can only end up resulting in much larger guillitens, or a much larger Robin Hood.  But either way I feel this is just a bad idea.  

Rant and or Grievance #2:  Milkmen are desperately needed.  

Living on my own now I realize how much I would love to have a milkman.  And seeing how the city can provide to employ a man to ride around in a specialized truck (much like a milk truck) that plays snappy tunes and hands out ice cream to any paying customers I don't see why we can't also bring back the milkman.  

This is why I am not entirely happy with the economy right now.  I do not want to go to Wal-mart and buy milk.  I want it delivered on my door in a pretty glass bottle.  I want to put in an order of 1 pint of milk every 5 days and then if I need more there is good ol' George (Assuming his name would be George) to provide it and if not, that's ok.  He'll be back around in a couple of days.  You may call me lazy on this subject to not want to go to the store, and maybe I am stuck in my nostalgia days were I dream of a time of people riding bicycles everywhere and "Easter Parade" playing in the town square by a barbershop quartet (all official barbers of course with the red and blue swirling pole) but that is just me.  

And Finally Rant not really a grievance #3: Acceptance is a road less travelled. 

There's this song by a guy named Michael Rossback called "Let Go" and years ago I wrote down a short lyric from it and taped it on my mirror to help me not forget, "If I spent my life worrying, I'd miss the way you look at me."  I'm such a one track tunnel visioned girl.  And I hate that it takes away so often to what I could see and focus on....which is lovliness (Phil. 4:8).  

I'm going to get personal here.  I'm that girl who has never really been the girlfriend.  Not that I couldn't be.  But I'm the one who is impressed by the oddest things.  If you have an extensive knowledge of The Chronicles of Narnia...that's a good sign in my book.  If you don't know what a wombat is, that is not a good sign.  I guess I've just always been so focused on something other than a romantic relationship or marriage or children.  I've never really felt wanting of anything.  I have amazing friends! Friends who re-enact the proposal scene from The Office for my birthday, take me caroling in May, act as my fairy godmother and give me tiaras and parties and owls!  I have a family that helps me out way more than I deserve and give me stories to laugh at and quirks to keep me smiling.  I have SO many kids in my life through my work and my family that I NEVER go a day without feeling unconditionally loved and without a multitude of hugs.  Even my co-workers are the bomb.  My boss is my stand-in therapist on off days and my dog knows tricks :) I have a bright yellow bicycle I can ride around town in, I love making friends with strangers I meet anywhere and everywhere, I'm sincerely LOVED for being me...genuinely me.  I've never felt the need to do or find more.  It's beautiful what is just naturally a part of my life.  

However, the day came at age uhm...mid-twenties (barely mid-twenties I might add) that I looked at a picture I took and seen it.  BAGS!  BAGS UNDER MY EYES!  Everyone else swears they aren't there but I seen them! I have photographic evidence! And maybe I can chalk it up to the fact that when I smile it takes up 85% of my face and lines are bound to show when I do smile to make room for that smile but still, there was no denying the fact that I am getting older and suddenly it's absolutely terrifying.  Because there it is...all over facebook....nicely sealed in envelopes being delievered to my mailbox, in my church, on my street.  EVERYONE IS MARRIED or already marrried and PREGNANT or is HAVING THEIR 2nd CHILD!  And where am I?  I am living in a small 2 bedroom house covered in ivy with my dog, my bicycle, and mint green clawfoot tub.  I have no dish network, no wifi, just an antenna and VHS/DVD combo sans remote and a 1920's typewriter (yes, I still type on). 

Let me also point out I realize I'm not that old.  I watch "Say Yes to the Dress" (only on occasion now when I'm somewhere that has more than KET ) and I see the cultural shift.  In the New York episodes there are women who sit down and are neatly dressed saying "Hi! I"m Kimberly!  I'm marrying the love of my life Scott....I just turned 30 and I know that's pretty young to be getting married but, I just love him so much!"  then you click over to the Atlanta version and see a woman whom could EASILY pass for 35 sit down and say, "Hi there! I'm Amanda! I'm marring my perfect cowboy Wes.  I'm 21 years old..." and I normally don't hear any more than that because I'm too busy in shock saying "WHAT!  Why DO YOU LOOK LIKE KATE GOSLIN FROM SEASON 3 IF YOU'RE ONLY 21!!!!"   But I'm also a southern girl and it's just how it works here for the most part.  And for the first time ever I heard something I had been blissfully unaware of.....tick.....tock....tick....tock.....

And the clock I heard was not the faux melting one hanging on my wall....it was biological and I wanted to take Florence Henderson's advice and "Run FAST!". 

So I did what the right Christian girl thing was to do.  I began praying for my future husband.  Now this act in and of itself is not wrong at all. But after a few days I began to think (as I do so recklessly) what if this part of my prayer is wasted.  That sounds harsh but I'm serious.  What if there really isn't anybody?  To be honest, it felt like it was just landing back on my bedroom floor.  I liken it to echo-location.....you send a sound/signal out but it never reaches anything to echo off of.  And at first this thought was terribly troubling.  Being old and alone has a terribly bad rap.  The Old Maid is the card we have grown up believing is the ONE card you DON'T want!  But then I thought, why?  

When I stopped worrying and looked around, I seen everyone and everything I had in my life....I've always had it, but it started out small, and now at mid-twenties the garden has surely grown to a lovely size and it grows still.  Is life terrible because I don't have a guy to sing "Call me Maybe" in the car with?  Have I stopped dancing because I don't have a boyfriend to dance with? Not at all, a lovely man-friend dipped me twice today and shared in the cupid shuffle!  So heregoes the key word.....Acceptance. I realized when I stop focusing on a small detail....and look up from a tiny crack in a pavement....I see a wonderland of this glorious life I've been given. There are so many looks, so many hugs, dances, and smiles, that I don't want to miss over worrying.  Not to say, I don't still pray.  But I am convinced my God will supply all my needs (Phil. 4:19) and I apparently do not need a husband right now.  Maybe Later. :) 

Because He Loves...

BEST FEELING EVER....walking in from doing photographs and being muddy, tired, torn jeans probably, possibly even wet from getting in a creek or pond, and better if I'm bleeding some.  That might sound weird, but if I come in like that I KNOW I've got something good to download.  Because I would never go to those extremes if something wasn't worth it.  I love it!

I've realized something in conjunction with that lately. God does not call me to a painless life.  There is no where in a contract that says God won't call me to something that will cause a lot of hurt and pain.  That probably sounds contradictory to what many of us often believe but it's true.  To be clear though I'm not preaching on the "God allows bad things to happen but gives us the strength to go through it" thing, what I'm saying is God will lead us through something that we know and He knows in advance will cause us pain.  It's not from a sin or mistake, it's for His glory we will suffer.

Earlier in the summer a person came back into my life and several times throughout I tried to bow out of the relationship but I felt compelled by God to stay and this person (a he, yes) wasn't willing for me to end our communication and friendship.  I wanted this ended because I knew this guy was my kryptonite. My heart breaks for him when I know things aren't going well and I'm happy when I feel like things are well (And this is when we weren't communicating).  Keeping him close was too much vulnerability for me. So after making my final plea to God and hearing words of how much I am needed I sat on my bed and let the vulnerability of the situation sink in.  I accepted it.  And I knew there was no other outcome for me from having this friendship with him other than I would be wounded...again. Inevitably this would be terribly painful.

I had no pretty words to pray.  All I could do was repeat over and over "I know YOU love me...I know YOU love me...I know YOU love me..." I said it until I was crying and could barely utter the words. Because if anything could give me the courage to risk and face something hurtful I knew that simple fact could.

Alot of people will say that if something doesn't "work out" it probably wasn't God leading you in that decision.  I think that's a bit of a narrow minded and selfish opinion. Because it's not always about our temporary happiness in a situation.  Not all chapters end with "they lived happily ever after".  If that were the case there would only be one chapter in every book and how much of a story could that really be? No, see being heartbroken isn't always the result of a sinful mistake.  It calls Christ a "man of sorrows" it also says that He went through every trial we have faced not in order to look down on us or hang it over our heads but instead to SYMPATHIZE with us.  And it's true. I find that every situation I've gone through Christ has gone through as well... betrayal, doubt from people you should have encouragement from, waiting (He had to wait until he was 30 to actively start His ministry), etc.

My prediction was true.  I was once again wounded from the relationship.  And truth be told, it's ok. Does it hurt?  More than I really want to admit.  Was it worth it? Yes. Why? Because I know He loves me. I may not EVER see it, I may not EVER understand, but I will continue to BELIEVE that if I come out of something muddy, tired, torn, soaked to the core, and bleeding.  I know there's something in there that is exceptional and makes it completely WORTH it.

"That" Girl.

"That" girl.  You know the one.  The connotation can go a variety of ways but if you're part of the female species someone or someones popped into your head at the term. "That" girl. Although various connotations some things remain a common denominator throughout all uses.

Denominators of "That" girl.

1.) You've totally facebook stalked her. And judged her by her appearance.
2.) You've talked about her with your friends and had them look at her fb pic as well.
3.) You regard her with a sort of arrogance because she is something you don't respect.

Numerators of "That" girl.

1.) She's the worst woman of a reputable nature you can think of because at one time she was with your now boyfriend and/or is with your ex-boyfriend.
2.) She's the girl who is so socially beneath you it's almost beyond belief.
3.) She's weird or again a straight up ahem...woman of a reputable nature.

Put your answer together however you wish but I've found out me, whom I consider to be next to monk like harmless have been "that" girl. And honestly yes, I consider it petty and insecure for anyone to be uncomfortable with me mostly because I'm insanely honest and rarely have ulterior motives that require playing "games".  However, sticking to my honesty theory I have "that" girls in my own life

It sucks.

Therefore, I've developed this Cervant-ish boldness with how people view me.  There will always be people who view me as "that" girl. Whether it has to do with a guy and their own insecurity, their own arrogance, or simply because there is something random in me that just doesn't take to their liking.  But nevertheless, I've decided that these will not be deciding factors in what or who I am.  I have an identity that goes beyond a list of characteristics I have come up with for myself.  God help me, I won't force myself to be anything other than me.  And I have learned one thing about myself.  Naturally, I am a friend first.  A quite devoted one. If I'm talking to a guy my first priority isn't to get a boyfriend or have someone to buy me a Valentines gift. My first priority is to get to know you and better become your friend.  And it's done genuinely. False advertisements aren't really in my line of business so I'm also not the type of girl who is suddenly living and enjoying a similar life to what you have. And as for any other numerators or denominators...I answer to God and no one else. And I can think of nothing more fulfilling than finding His grace and knowing I made Him happy.
I've had the different types of relationships.  I've had all the best friend relationships, the boyfriend, the romantic best guy friend, the brother guy friends, the 20 year best friends, the kindred spirits best friend, and nothing fulfilled me other than God. As much as we sometimes lie to ourselves thats our only option and until we are filled with God more than anything else we are always lacking.
I no longer mind knowing that out there in the world I'm "that" girl.  Because to God I'm Emily

Wounded. Broken. Lost. BEAUTIFUL.

"She said, 'I will go after my lovers, who give me my food and my water, my wool and my linen, my oil and my drink.' Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them." -Hosea 1:5b-7a.

Let's face it.  It's not about physical.  In fact I think with God that's the last thing he's concerned about.  Because the physicality of things is not the issue.  It's only another side effect.  The hands of a clock tell time yes, but only because of the mechanics working on the inside.  Without their workings the hands would never move. Same with us.
If you're one who has their relationship with God confined to a book on a shelf, a church on a street somewhere, or a religious status on their profile then you're probably not going to make sense of what I'm saying because it will seem trivial and silly.  But if you talk to God as if you're best friend is sitting next to you, if you hear Him whisper, if you find yourself wanting to make Him happy as if His happiness is the reason for your own happiness then I will probably make more sense.  (Not that I'm super Christian...I'm not.  I'm more closely related to Hosea's wife...which is a character from the Bible you won't hear too many encouraging Bible studies done from.)

I find my current wonderings and revelations stemming from an outcome of my adulterous heart.  A muddied wedding dress. A lost ring.  A torn veil. And to be quite truthful not many actions have to be played out for this abandonment to occur.  A simple check out.  We've all been there-that place where suddenly someone has just checked out.  Maybe it was done in a simple step out of a door or maybe it's just the lack of speaking or caring.  Either way it goes a decrease of love happened.  I'm not the victim in this case. I'm the one who left footprints leading out of the place where she belongs.  And I did this to God.

It's an age old temptation.  Actually, it's the original temptation.  I don't think Eve was particularly hungry when she ate of the fruit.  I don't think she was hypnotized. I think she lost faith and abandoned God if only for a moment.  I think she suddenly wondered if God was holding out on her and it was imperative to take things into her own hands.  She no longer trusted God for survival. Her reliance shifted.  And we've been fighting this same temptation ever since.  To settle for the best we can do NOT the best God will do. We take things into our own hands and talk ourselves into believing something is right because really we feel that right just isn't possible so we take what we can get and try our hardest to convince ourselves that what we have is more than enough.
How does all this add up to Hosea and the verses listed above?  Simple.  We run to every other possible outlet in attempt to supply what we need.  In the movie, "Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist" Norah makes a statement when Nick asks her about the benefits of having a friend with benefits, "Yeah, that's crossed my mind. I don't know. I don't know, he's just always been there, and you just feel ignored for long enough and, it's just nice to feel special sometimes."  We grow so desperate.  We are human.  We are not immune.  It sounds so condescending to admit to ourselves that we want to feel special but if we didn't, why would we search and go back to the places where we hear and feel what we want to hear and feel so much. "You're beautiful." "You're amazing." I could go on and on with this list.  But if it's really fulfilling, why do we have to keep going back?  I think for two reasons.  We're insecure/not confident and we are traversing back to the wrong sources.
Read Hosea. It's like watching that movie that drives you nuts. You know the one.  Where there is a girl who loves a guy and this girl is perfect for him and he really loves her too but just can't realize it and the whole time your mad and frustrated and getting really mad at this man saying, "Open you're eyes!  Quit crying like a wimp, she's RIGHT THERE!"  That's kinda like Hosea's wife. Her husband provides everything and doesn't leave an empty space in the morning.  But yet she keeps searching.
Finally she is walled in.  She looks around and everyone she looked to is gone.  She can't find her way. She can't find a lover.  She is alone.  And in our own lives this is normally where we get angry and bitter at God and everyone around us who isn't showing up when we want them to.  Why are we alone?  Why aren't we like so and so? Or Why have you just put me in this place?  We're like a hurt dog crying in pain obviously needing help but lashing out to anyone who even tries to come near us.  When will we realize this pit we're stuck in is safer than the path we were running down?

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into he desert and speak tenderly to her. There I will give her back her vineyards, and will make the Valley of Achor (Trouble) a door of hope. There she will sing (respond) as in the days of her youth, as in the day she came up out of Egypt. 'In that day' Declares the LORD, 'you will call me 'My Husband'; you will no longer call me 'my Master'." -Hosea 3:14-16

The desert.  He leads her to the desert.  My all time favorite romantic moment in a movie is in Pride and Prejudice (the Keira Knightly and Judi Dench version) where Elizabeth can't sleep and right at sunrise she meets Mr. Darcy in a field right beyond this enormously large oak tree.  It's stunningly beautiful.  This landscape is painted so well you quite literally hold your breath.  Now, when I conjure up visuals of the desert scenes come to mind from movies such as "Black Hawk Down" or the snake scene in the desert from "The Little Prince" where he gets bitten, or even in "Hidalgo" where Frank and his horse are so thirsty and exhausted they are clearly ready for dead.  Either way when a desert comes to mind somebody's delusional, bitten, or ready for dead.  No, it doesn't normally scream romance.  So why is this the place He leads us to allure us?
Walk through a garden of a million red flowers. Now go and walk through a place of strict concrete, smog, and devoid of any greenery and find one red flower.  Which will make you turn around?  He doesn't have to heighten His beauty or heroism. He doesn't need the landscape and He knows too well we don't need the distractions.  Everything we clearly and desperately need is found solely in Him.  And it's being deprived of everything that we find sight to see what we really need.  The water we ache for in the desert.  In the harshest of conditions He is the only thing that can save. Our freedom our life depends on this knowledge and faith. To wound us and bring us to the point of "alone" so we have nowhere else to look but His face. And no other name to call but His own.

Ribbon Dancing a fruit of the Spirit....

Let's start with the verse of this.  "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,²gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23. (Different font for verse? Yeah, I copied and pasted). So this weekend has been rather good, which is awesome since it's just Saturday morning (kinda).  But I was talking to a friend earlier and fueling my already happy demeanor by talking about other profoundly happy moments in my life. So let's begin with the summer of 2010....


THE GREATEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE!!!


I have done alot of things in my life.  When it comes to connecting my imagination to real life, there is no filter. I've always tended to do whatever popped in my head.  Maybe I should grant that to my grandfather who  was an inventor...hmmm... Anyways, for years I had really felt this crazy super insane desire to go on a mission trip.  Like I would think about going and just get really pumped.  I wanted to be a total Jesus kid washing feet, smiling and just being love the best way I knew how to whomever was in my presence.  I wanted to enjoy humanity and pray for them in a way I hadn't before.  
I won't get into the story of how it came to be but last spring I found myself signed up for a mission trip to Mexico and the raddest thing ever occurred with that commitment. FREEDOM.  
It was like the movie "Big Fish".  This guy did all these amazing things because when he was younger he looked into this witch's eyes and seen his death.  So see, because he knew how he would die he wasn't afraid to take risks or go on adventures.  Before I lose you here's my correlation: I knew more than anything else in this world I was getting to Mexico.  I KNEW I would live at least until Mexico.  If I tried to not go I was fully convinced I would be swallowed by a whale and spit out there...somehow, someway.  So all summer, I felt complete freedom.  
Now, I really do wonder how many people have really OWNED their freedom.  I believe we as Christians have it, there's no opinion to that it's fact we do. But how many of us have really OWNED it? I found out when I really delve into and own my freedom I'm not afraid of alot.  I may get anxious and nervous at times, but when it comes down to the wire I find myself saying, "Why not?".  It's also in this transcendent state that one really can discover alot about themselves .  For example, if you were afraid of absolutely nothing what would you do? Me?, I did a ribbon dance/fluid movements on a bicycle routine in front of a ton of camp kids to Michael Bolton's "I Can Go the Distance."  There are a few moments in my life where I feel can be put into the epitome of freedom and that is one.  
I was reminded of all this today when I was browsing around on youtube and I seen a interview with this lad by the name of Zachary Levi.  Zachary Levi plays the lead character Chuck in "Chuck" (I've never seen it) and the voice of Flynn in "Tangled" (seen TONS of times). I found out a few interesting things about this young man like his real last name is Pugh.  He said when he was a kid he was made fun of by kids that called him "Stinky", which is stupid to me because they should have went with Pepe (Duh!).  But either way it's not that I was a huge fan of this guy or even that he was insanely funny but, he was so happy and cool in his uncoolness.  I thought, "this guy has got to be a God kid!"  Cause I recognized that happiness.  There was a link to another youtube of him and I clicked on it to find him in the middle of a quick interview saying his waking up moment was when he realized God's love for him.  (and yes, I did do a huge fist pump in happiness). 
So here's my thing going back to the fruit of the spirit.  I think when we have those, I don't think they are always necessarily a chore.  I think they translate into freedom and in that alot of times happiness.  And I find in freedom we become so much of who we are (all quirks, normalities, oddities, or braveries) and instead of asking ourselves "why" we're asking, "Why not?".  
I may write this Levi fellow a fan letter just saying I think he's cool in his happiness and confidence to be who he is.  Cheezy? yep. Will stalker jokes abound? probably.  But I'm free so why not?. 


Waking up moment for Zachary Levi link. 

Error of Era....

Gene Kelly, Dean Martin, Esther Williams, and Audrey Hepburn are normally the actors involved in the movies I watch.  I'm listening to Lawrence Welk on my Pandora station.  I have a 1920's type writer outside on a diner table I greatly enjoy sitting at and typing on.  It's strange, sometimes I think I was born in the incorrect era. Does anybody else ever feel this way?
But even when I try to narrow it down to an era that could have possibly been right it still doesn't completely fit. There's something always missing or needed from a completely different time and place.  Last night I read from Isaiah 51:1, "Look to the rock from which you were cut and to the quarry from which you were hewn..."  And I did look back.  I looked at my family, my heritage, all the way back to Abraham and Sarah (which was advised in the latter of the verse).  And although, there are many deep spiritual meanings and revelations caught up in those verses, I had a curiosity about my era induced details.  Perhaps, this is the right era, for no other reason that everything I appreciate and enjoy could not be unless the eras had already passed.

I still have hopes of one day being a part of a community where pocket watches are worn with fedoras, bicycles are the main mode of transportation, and the Bangles are played in the background while everyone wears converse.  Maybe I'll make my own town...not a creepy one like from "The Village" and cool one like from "Big Fish".  However, until then it's a nice thought to think that maybe no one is ever born too early or too late. There is no errors in eras.

                                  

                         

This,for example, could not have been completed without the passing of eras.